JUST ANOTHER UP DATE

Tuesday, July 13, 2010     THIS IS TH E JOURNAL OF WILLIAM (BILL) R. JENNINGS  SR.   born at Fort Carson ,Colorado. I will fill in history as I go (day by day) this am  I awoke at 0340 and could not return to sleep. I got up and turned on the coffee pot my sister , Betsy had  prepared the previous night. Thanks Sis.
     I am visiting my two sisters  Merry (0lder than me) and Betsy (younger  than me).  They live up here in the great state of Oklahoma. There were eight in kids in my family.  Marvin(the oldest) died in a truck wreck just north of Houston Texas on interstate 45 in 1970. That leaves me the oldest male child (if 58 is still considered a child).  I have had a year, well, terrible  would be an understatement.  As a Cross Country Truck driver, I stay away  from home for 3 to 4 weeks at a time. Then I take 4 four days off.
I came home on the 18th of April  2009, with a very bad case of kidney stones--pain lots of pain--showered and went to be, I could not get in to see the doctor until 1500 (for you civilians that's 3pm) on the 19th of April.  I had no pain pills so I stayed in bed flat on my back until 1300 (1pm) got up to get ready for the doctor's visit, found out none of the laundry had be done while I was gone, therefore; I had  only dress pants and a white shirt to wear. Went looking for Trudy(my wife) she was not in the house, I saw her walking back and forth outside the front fence talking to someone on her cell phone. {still in her night gown and robe} I called to her and tried to get her attention but was ignored. After approximately 20 minutes  my daughter ,Barbara .drove up followed by my son Bill (both should have been at work).  I was sitting on the front porch when Trudy walked over to me and said " I know you will not understand this, but I am leaving."     To say the least I was devastated October 26th of 2009 would have been our 38 wedding anniversary.  I think she already had the car packed, as soon as she changed cloths she left.  I started walking not knowing or caring where  I was going.  Bill and Barbara found me about 30 minutes later and Barbara took me to my Doctors appointment.  The doctor gave me 2 shots of morphine and 40 vicadan and told me to go home stay in bed for 3 days.  I did, my phone did not ring for 4 days and not one person came to see if I was still alive.  {I really felt loved at that time in my life}. no one  called or checked on me at all..
I did not have transportation to go to the doctor, Trudy took her car, my kids thought that was just fine , at least  they never said anything different.  By the way we only had one car.  I went back to work two days later driving a truck and  tried to restart my life. This went ok until March the 19th of 2010 when my DOT physical expired and I had to take a physical, which I failed.
On the 23rd of March 2010 Doctor Henry put 4 stints in my heart, he told me I would not be able to return to  work until at least 7/8/10.
On the late night of the 28th of March I was severally depressed and tried to end my life, all I did was make myself sick and labeled as  a threat to myself, therefore a County Judge had me (hospitalized )for 10 days  at ETMCBC that's EAST TEXAS MEDICAL CENTER/BEHAVIORAL CLINIC.
This  really is a good unit and they did help me understand what was wrong with me and that I was not JUST CRAZY, I was told that I had  severe depression and hyper tension, both common in heart patients.. I was there twice for 10 days and once for 4 days.
Well on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd of June 2010 I was back in the hospital with chest
pain.. Dr.Henry had a necular stress test done and it showed one of the three stints he had put in back in 08 had blocked 100% and because of it's relation to two other stints could not be unplugged by another stint and was not a candidate  for by-pass surgery. I was now 100% disabled.
     By now KLLM had terminated my employment  and my insurance was gone,situation----no insurance--no income--I was living in an 18 foot camper trailer that had the back wall burned out--no water--no sewer and no electric (well Jennifer and John ran a 110 volt extension cord 300 yards so I couldd at least have light)---no AC temps were in the 90+  every day.
I applied at the VA and was promptly informed that if I made over 32.000$ the previous year I was not eligible--I did not need help last year because I worked every day od that year. So I was sent to Social Security  for  emergency assistance. this takes 90 plus days after you apply and are approved, as of today Thursday, July 15, 2010 I have now had a word from them.  I have worked my entire adult life, served in the military and never ask for a thing.  It took me  2 months just to get food stamps. The only reason I have a place to live is because a friend (Terry Sipes) let me have that 18 foot travel trailer and John Allison rebuild, moved and leveled it for me. On about the 20th of June I was hooked up to electric service. I still have to use the on board  storage system for water and sewer.  Pawn shops and the good graces of friends is all that keep me going (I get $200 a month in food stamps) The water company said that it would take $400 dollars to place a water meter for me to hook up to. The sewer system will be closer to $5000 as it must be a "green system".  When you become disabled you a re expected to just walk away and die---wait---tried that they stopped me.  Must be done the legal way -STARVATION.
     Well now, let me bring you up to date.  Monday, July 19, 2010. Today I have an appointment with caring hands an Oklahoma system  much the same as we have at home. On Friday the 16th I had an anxiety attack and went to the ER  blood work and EKG were fine pulse was 51 BP was 176 over 87
The ER doctor gave me 4 baby aspirin and a shot of atavan and I returned home., oh yea he also wrote me a script for atavan.  This all took place at approximately 2--3 pm, at about 9 pm I went out in cut off PJ bottoms and boots (no socks) my pick-up windows were down and I wanted to roll them up.I have no idea why however; I decided to go for a walk (my sister lives in the country).   one and on half mile later a state trooper,three city police, one county cop, and  two firemen and my nephew. found me walking and signing military cadence calls on the gravel road.  I was told I reported to them that I was Staff Sargent Jennings gave my ssn and had no idea what I had done wrong. So another ambulance trip to the ER and more drugs and sent back home.  The ER doctor said my pulse rate was lower than normal and I should have someone watch it for the next 48 hours.
     I really wish I knew how to find my way back to normal, I would most reassuringly and gladly return there.
     I miss being able to work(that really sounds bad, but it's true).   I have tried walking around the pastures and woods but there are to many ticks and chiggers,  the first time I walked I bet I had at least 500 bites.  Josh and I went out twice to shot snakes and turtles in the ponds,  but at $8 a box that gets to  expensive, even at one shot one kill.  Heat is a real problem up here also most days by 1000 am it is in the 90's with over 102 heat index.
    I watch Alice in Wonderland the other day (the new version) and I understood Alice's situation much better this time.
     Time for good news------Joe (my brother-in-law) gave me a Cadillac (1986) car. It  needs work (BUT I DON'T CARE) it's been so long since anyone gave me something I would have been just as happy had it been a little red wagon.